Intimate Details

I was sad and angry yesterday. I don’t even know why. Somehow, the feelings and emotions must have just come in altogether so suddenly.

Sigh. I s’pose I can’t stand people who waste things and other factors that made me angry, e.g. my nagging mother, my lack of hard-working ness, ungrateful people.

And then, there was another factor:

“Sheltie… DO you like the present I gave you?”

Because I asked for her feedback last week on the music CDs I gave her. Well, she said it was like restaurant music and some real oldie orchestra songs were cheesy and she forgot to say ‘Thank you’.

Maybe I didn’t catch her ‘Thank you’. But I don’t mind all that. I just want to know does she like it? Does she appreciate my gift to her?

I was feeling sad and a little hurt when she said all those things, but I told myself I must accept constructive critism. And I think she does appreciate it deep down in her heart.

She gave me an okay explanation and then I poured out my feelings. Wee were in class then, with a group of people playing Scrabble just in front of me, next to Sheltie and behind Sheltie.

I felt under-appreciated when I was doing so many things for the class, putting up with the Head of Class responsibility and my own responsibility as the Treasurer of the Class. Being the Head of the class is a lot of work. I know it now. But I still thrive to do the best that I can. I never ask for more, just a simple, “Thank you” will suffice.

Sometimes I felt my kindness being taken for granted.

“It’s so hard to be what people expected me to be,” I sobbed.

“You can’t have everybody like you,” Sheltie said.

“Then, just living sometimes is so unbearable.” (Mind you, I do not have suicidal tendencies).

“My brother does so many things for Oriental Music Society and they didn’t appreciate what he has done, instead, they talk behind his bad how inefficient he is. He never cried.”

“Boys are different. They don’t cry easily,” I said.

“Some people never say it out, but they do appreciate all the work that you have done for them. If they don’t, tell me why you keep being elected as Treasurer every year since 13?”

Then it shifted to Sheltie’s birthday present.

“You’re the only one who has given me a present this year. Sheryl… I don’t know about her.”

“How about Purple? She and you were like so close.”

“We’re not that close. Even Katie… sigh…”

I wanted to open my mouth and say, ‘But there’s one month before your birthday. You’re bound to receive presents.’

I gave it early, because I couldn’t wait and I wanted to repay her kindness when she fetches me home almost every Friday without asking for money.

Then, she had to leave for a Choir presentation.

Sheltie is an introvert, one who is always deep in thought and one who is smart. She thinks talking nonsense is a waste of time and can’t be bothered to talk to boys. She lacks people skills and some of my friends thought of her as a ‘Snob’, but she’s not like that. Just a little critical and a little of a perfectionist.

Then, I shifted to another group of friends who are too, concerned. I told them I don’t want to think about it, because it will make me cry again.

So, Elle try to not let me think of those unhappy things and she playfully scolded Hurley for not contributing much to the ‘counseling’ session.

Hurley didn’t know what to do and she started to play the ‘Rubber’ game, where each person have in their property a weapon, which they will use only to attack and get past obstacles. Haha. The game I meant were a game played when we were just primary students.

We each got hold of a rubber and tried to ‘eat’ each other by making the rubber move and have it fall onto the opponent’s rubber. Our main target were Hurley, because she was boasting about her ability. The obstacles are like a ‘bridge gap’ (moving two tables away) with a ruler as a bridge.

Somehow the game took a pleasant turn and we were all laughing madly. Sheltie was in the pack, too since she came back early. The game was a refreshing game, as it opened up our childhood merriment and childish ways, without even caring what others thought of us.

Drew came by and commented on our childish ways.

I told him, “I was sad, so they tried to make me feel better. Now I’m happy.”

Then, something funny happened and we laughed together.

The merry laughter was contagious. ^_^

((Joe went to Hong Kong. That lucky brat! Oh. He’s coming back all right.))

I feel so connected and I felt loved among my friends whom I have dedicated to write about them in my blog. You can see most of the entries are about the experiences I have with them, the funny episodes and gullible moments. And some the torrential anger between us. (Though I rarely post it, because some were private. I wanted to focus on the happy moments, not the one that would remind the bad times that has happened.)

After that, we went to Chemistry lab and Seb asked me why did I cry.

This entry is an answer.