Monday, April 14, 2008

I'm back! :D

It's been a long while since I've done a blog entry. So to all who really wanna know about me, I'll be posting when I feel like it :P Though I've currently moved from this blog to a forum blog where I know who actually reads it and comments.

So, hmm, I'm currently studying Bachelor of Commerce and Law. I'm not doing Medicine or "something science" that you guys are thinking of. Instead, I'll expand my knowledge into the business world, or in "God's economy".

New Zealand has been a very good place for me. I met and made an awful lot of friendships and what is needed right now is keeping contact. Nothing spells distance any better than a period of silence that lasts for 10 years! O.o

And for your information, I lost the little book of numbers, where all of my M'sian friends' numbers are gone D: I don't think I threw it away or purposely lose it, I know it's somewhere, but I just misplaced it.

I really need to get on with my Business Communication studies now, though I really should start revising for Microeconomics and Accounting and start on my Statistics assignment.

Yuh! :P Life's good here.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

The Naughtiest Boy in School

Back in Malaysia, I was still at Catholic High School. It was my first year when I encountered the soon-to-be 'blacklisted' lamb of our strict school. It was pure coincidence that brought both of us to meet - at a tuition centre.

He was this short, baby-face, brown boy; very distinct in a class of seven for his loud and somewhat rude remarks. He made me cry on his first day at the centre. From that day on, I steered clear away from this shallow pig and thanked the others who had given him a good brow-beating and words of discipline. He called me a name, metaphor to (which I partially forgotten, but never the context). Well, I vowed not to cross-paths with him again.

But well, we had a fleeting glance of each other the following year and he met my eyes for a few seconds and looked down. Hah! I thought. Feel guilty! That was the only time we've seen each other in that year. And I heard rumours that he was fast joining the ranks of the list of rule-breakers. I heard plenty of disciplinary actions was taken out on him in the next year as well.

It had been years, and I harboured no more grudge. And I tried to be friends (cautiously approaching him, of course, putting up an air of indifferent kindness) with him since he's my classmate and sat behind me (which will be permanent throughout the year). What prompted me was that I heard that he invited himself out with this group of friends, and they left him when he went to the loo. I thought it was pretty mean of them to do that and so, I feel sorry for him. I reckon his image and reputation in school was ruined by his own perverted mind and too-blunt loud crasses when he was 13-14.

Guess what? He made me cry again. This time, we're 16.

Gosh! I felt like a fool. It's just a simple remark that I could've probably misheard even though I was only a few feet away when he said that. After analysing the situation with his testimony that he did NOT say that, I guess I over-reacted. I broke an excuse of being stressed out and his 'suppose' remark triggered the flood of tears. Gee, and I was made to go to the counsellor, since it wouldn't do to have a Class Treasurer crying through the whole period (disrupting the class).

And the fates have it! We saw each other again at the tuition centre. This time, we were rather civil and talk pleasantly with one of the staff members. We were both talking about how he made me cry, and I vehemently retorted, "That was like soooo looong ago. Drop it, will you?" He didn't say it out of spite, that I can tell, but I suppose he was trying to figure me out. Translation: she's a sensitive-trigger flood bath.

FEH. The staff member did tell him that "you should apologise when you make a girl cry" yadda yadda yadda. I thought he (staff member) was nice, although he has pinchy little eyes.

The next day, we found out that he (staff) was a thief. He stole the tuition centre's money e.g. our tuition fees and ran off with it. But miraculously, the centre did install a security camera and he was caught in the act. Luckily, it was not my tuition money he stole, but others. And here I'm thinking of myself! I do sympathise with the others, and I thought he was a nice guy the day before!

You can never tell with a person.

Oh, and what happened to The Naughtiest Boy in School? His attitude was getting better, and he was more considerate and polite, although his swearing would probably never cease and he would always be thinking of porn. He thought he was 'jinxed' when 2 people (including me) was moving abroad to study. That's ridiculous! I told him that and he wondered aloud if I can survive in a foreign country.

"If you can't stand swearing, you'll probably hear even more over there."

And I thought: Gee, did you know that I'm already used to people swearing in front of me (althought not at me - that would be depressing) because of the time I spent hearing you talk? I'm like immunised by you. (Probably :P)

But he did give me a compliment that I still remembered today: "You'll probably do well over there, 'cuz you sorta look like a mat salleh (foreigner or someone with foreign blood)."

The Marriage Between Heaven and Hell

Well! You see, instead of The Battle Between Heaven and Hell, the marriage of both demensions are plausible, albeit I'm talking Alternate Universe. You guessed it! It's a fiction title.

I've always been interested in Angels and Demons, you know, the unknown guardians (angels) and the grim (demons). If they were to exist and probably do, in real terms, they would not fall in love, make hybrid babies and live happily ever after. BUT! They do so, in fiction/manga/anime/novels etc.

Why is that?

Because the delicious idea of it: the forbidden love, the complete polar opposites, the Religious Law, the anticipated drama of that all and the steamy scenes of denial and reluctant reciprocation. You could probably theorised that demons thrive chaos, and what's more devious than making an angel fall in love with them, play with them around a bit and throw them away? Chaos is a drug to demons and all evil alike. They strive to break down your resolve, they make you wayward of your resolutions, they make you angry, hate, kill... That's the influence Satan can create.

So, I quite like the drama I've created, which I'm currently drawn to a particular role-play forum: You scroll to the bottom o the page > Other Roleplays > The War Between Heaven and Hell Part 2. Yes, we've finished part 1, although it's not fully accomplished yet. One thing's for certain, I am definitely hooked.

You play pretend. You pretend that one of your many characters is an angel, or a demon, or even a human with supernatural power or even a clairvoyant. You set up abilities and also weaknesses, you mould their personalities to perfection, you interact with other players of the same interest, you make everything happen with words!

Psst, do you want to know something? I bet you do.

Before I came to accept Christ, I played in the Role-play Part 1 and had begun researching the bible. Interestingly, I got interested in Christianity and as I was saved by Christ, I smiled knowing that the seed had already been sown through such a coincidental game.

Tell you what. If you already have ideas or have the urge to release that creative flow, why not come to aforementioned site and we'll play a game; a game of Angels and Demons, love and lust, right and wrong; the gray matter of all in-between!

See you there! :P

P.S: I'm Jubilee in that site. And although the site doesn't seem much at first, it would be worth the while to test your writing skills. Be there to check it out!

Valuing Friendship - Appreciation

I value friendship a lot as I was born as an only child. It could be very lonely when there's nobody to turn to when you feel that your parents don't understan you a bit; there's just no instant comfort, unless I immediately sms my friends and hope they reply soon.

There was a time when my parents argued and their friends (another couple) came to be 'a third person' or sort of like 'marriage consultants' and I could hear my mom crying; I was in my bedroom. Do you know that I can hear every word even with the door closed?

I was so upset and unhappy that I've thought of crawling out the window and walk to my friends' house. I was thinking: 'That'll teach them to argue next time'. But I'm glad I didn't. I wanted to, but I decided to wait and eavesdrop some more. In some ways, I also feel responsible for my parents arguing. I'm willing to be a scapegoat, a convenient blame just so that they won't blame each other.

There was a time when my dad got really mad and yelled at my mom. She left very early in the morning the next day. Both me and my dad thought she was in serious depression when her boss called in and said that my mom was not at work. I thought she'd done something stupid (like comitting suicide) or just taking the day off to shop or something. I was so scared, so very frightened. I never want to feel that emotion again: it's as if I'm going through a possible grievience over the loss of a loved one.

I cannot say I truly comprehend such pain, but I have experienced for a bit what it could feel like. Think of the parents of their missing children: the pain is so much worse; you want to beleve your child is still alive somewhere and yet the possibilities are slim. And yet, the future is unpredictable. They don't know for certain. It felt like a blow when I thought my mother was missing, but fortunately, she called in to work a few hours late.

The bus was delayed.

And through it all, to all the adults that I've called: please don't tell my mother what I... my dad and I had went through that few hours. I don't want to ever relieve it again.

Also, I appreciate the support I'd received from the adults: You're not my friend friend, but you guys are no longer just an acquaintance, you've become someone important, someone that I'm considering repaying when I've grown up and earn my share of wealth.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

The Pointing Game

I have a question for everyone:

So, basically, whenever anyone ask you for the time, they point to their wrists.

So, whenever I want to go to the loo, does it mean that I should point to my crotch?


Thursday, January 04, 2007

The Power of Words

BAH! I haven't been to church for weeks now, and I'm sneakily avoiding my church ushering duty by passing off excuses and calling a substitute to replace me. Those aren't measly excuses, you know; there are completely valid, and besides, I could not not go to church ifI'm catching or probably should put it this way 'been following in my parents' car' to church.

Of course they want to know why and I gave reasons, which are passable.

My first reason was like
-I developed blisters when I got lost (and I didn't purposely do it)
-I was on the first week of oriental medication, you don't expect me to go yet. (although that's rather weak)
-And I over-exerted myself during one morning jog (my calves stung like hell, and my dad was the witness; although still I could drag myself to church)

But the main reason is that I fear judgment from others. Even though I know, being in a church community, church people are suppose to be like kind, non-judgmental and basically nice, I can't shake the feeling of being judged by my external appearance, you know.

I have a Christian friend in Malaysia, and she said one day when I showed her my Christmas photos in Mid-Valley, "Wow. You look so thin. Why are you so fat now in school. Must be because you eat during holidays." I was like, jaw-dropped. I still had the same figure from then and now, and I later realised that clothes can actually make you seem thinner or fatter. Actually, like totally deceive people. I thought it'll never work in the past, but I've learn to choose the style of my clothes carefully now.

I can't believe I still remembered what she said! Dammit! Why do we remember criticisms (although not ill-intended, I suppose) so well?

Once, I was feeling so down, I couldn't even look at people right on the eye, but this wonderful blonde librarian kept showering me compliments, like, "You're such an awesome person", "Fantastic" etc. I was literally dumbfounded and found that I could not reply her back. I couldn't even give her a compliment back!

After that, her words lifted my spirits, even if it was from a stranger.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006


I've decided to switch my blog to the Windows Live Space on MSN Messenger. That way, if there's any new updates, the little gold star would appear just beside my blue effigy. I might be switching back and forth. I can only upload videos here on, but not the MSN spaces.


I'm gong out tonight and no one's stopping me.

Stupid sunshine. Stop raining down on me.~