The Power of Words

BAH! I haven't been to church for weeks now, and I'm sneakily avoiding my church ushering duty by passing off excuses and calling a substitute to replace me. Those aren't measly excuses, you know; there are completely valid, and besides, I could not not go to church ifI'm catching or probably should put it this way 'been following in my parents' car' to church.

Of course they want to know why and I gave reasons, which are passable.

My first reason was like
-I developed blisters when I got lost (and I didn't purposely do it)
-I was on the first week of oriental medication, you don't expect me to go yet. (although that's rather weak)
-And I over-exerted myself during one morning jog (my calves stung like hell, and my dad was the witness; although still I could drag myself to church)

But the main reason is that I fear judgment from others. Even though I know, being in a church community, church people are suppose to be like kind, non-judgmental and basically nice, I can't shake the feeling of being judged by my external appearance, you know.

I have a Christian friend in Malaysia, and she said one day when I showed her my Christmas photos in Mid-Valley, "Wow. You look so thin. Why are you so fat now in school. Must be because you eat during holidays." I was like, jaw-dropped. I still had the same figure from then and now, and I later realised that clothes can actually make you seem thinner or fatter. Actually, like totally deceive people. I thought it'll never work in the past, but I've learn to choose the style of my clothes carefully now.

I can't believe I still remembered what she said! Dammit! Why do we remember criticisms (although not ill-intended, I suppose) so well?

Once, I was feeling so down, I couldn't even look at people right on the eye, but this wonderful blonde librarian kept showering me compliments, like, "You're such an awesome person", "Fantastic" etc. I was literally dumbfounded and found that I could not reply her back. I couldn't even give her a compliment back!

After that, her words lifted my spirits, even if it was from a stranger.